The Denial Stage of Grief

After losing your loved one, denial often surfaces after the initial shock. Denial is the refusal to admit or believe something true and is a normal stage to pass through when you lose someone you love as you walk through grief. 

Losing those we love can be tough to understand, whether anticipated or unexpected. Losing a loved one forces you to accept the unacceptable. And if grief is compounded with trauma and stress, it can make the death of a loved one simply unbelievable. 

But how do you know if you or someone you love is in the denial stage? During the denial stage of grief, you may feel numb, completely shocked, or unable to believe that the death has occurred. 

Denial can have many characteristics, like:

• Feeling numb – You may not be able to feel any emotions in the denial phase of grief.
• Avoidance – This can look like refusing to acknowledge the loss or even being unable to talk about your loved one at all.
• Procrastination – This may arise when decisions need to be made about funeral arrangements or when it comes time to process your loved one’s estate. 
• Forgetting / Confusion – When you can’t understand what medical professionals are explaining regarding your loved one’s death. Or waking up in the morning and remembering your loved one passed away. 
• Distracted – Forgetting what you’re doing in the middle of doing it or losing your train of thought when talking to someone. 
• Mindless behaviors – Reading something and having to continue to reread it because you keep forgetting what you’re reading.
• Busyness – Constantly doing something or focusing on the needs of others so you don’t have to think about yourself or your pain.
• Substance abuse – Using drugs or alcohol to numb your pain.
• Disconnected – Going through your day and functioning as if nothing happening.
• Holding onto false hope – Believing that somehow the person who died will return. 

If you or someone you love are experiencing grief from the death of a loved one, give yourself grace. Denial is a normal part of the grieving process, and this human response helps protect us from the overwhelming emotions of loss. The denial stage won’t last forever. As time passes, you will begin to heal, accept the reality of your loss, and move on to other stages of grief.