How to Support Those Grieving the Loss of Their Mother

The death of a loved one is always tricky. Just as each relationship is unique, each loss will have its nuances. For many, the loss of their mother is a profound one. Many of our first memories involve our mothers. Through her care and concern, we came to know love. Whether it’s the woman who gave birth to you or the woman who chose to raise you, the role of a mother is unique.

When someone grieves the loss of their mother, it’s not a linear process. The loss of a mother isn’t an event to get over. For many, it’s learning a new way of living without the person who has known them the longest. Grief is messy and mysterious, and often unpredictable. For everyone, the process will look different. It surfaces memories from childhood to their current age. And the grief also includes the loss of memories they hoped they would have with their mother.

If you are walking alongside someone you love who is grieving the loss of their mother, here are a few ways to support them.

• Acknowledge their loss and validate their feelings. Try to meet them where they are. Grief is messy and uncomfortable. It can mean a lot to find a way to tell someone, "I see your pain, and I'm so sorry for your loss." Whether it's the timing, the cause, or circumstances surrounding the death of their mother, it can be difficult for your loved one to make sense of their mother's passing. 

• Be patient. Grief has no timeline, and the unpredictable process can take many twists and turns, bringing up equally beautiful and hard memories. Try to be reliable, present, and trustworthy. 

• Speak their mother’s name. It’s a human inclination to avoid talking about painful things. However, if you knew their mother, it can be such a gift to hear someone share a memory or something you treasured. This can help them feel less alone in their grief and help keep the memory of their loved one alive. 

• Offer to help with practical tasks. Some of the simplest tasks can feel overwhelming when processing grief. Offering to help with things like meals, grocery shopping, running errands, or helping around their home could be incredibly life-giving. Rather than saying, "Let me know if you need anything," try to offer tangible ways to help. 

• Help them find a way to honor her memory. Finding ways to honor their mother can help your loved one find peace and a connection to their mother through their grief process. This could look like bringing something of their mother's into their home, framing pictures of them together, donating to a cause in their memory, or releasing balloons. 

• Encourage them to keep doing the things they love. During the grief process, losing interest in the things they once loved is normal. Gently encouraging them to return to their hobbies, creative outlets, or talents can help them process their grief and feel more like themselves. 

• Encourage them to seek professional help if needed. It's ok not to be ok. As your loved one processes their grief, it may feel overwhelming or even paralyzing at times. Grief can sometimes lead to depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues. Seeking the help of a professional is healthy and essential. 

The critical thing to remember is that support for grieving can look like a listening ear and someone who isn't afraid of their full range of emotions. It's normal to want to do things for grieving people, and we should find tangible ways to come alongside them. But don't underestimate the power of being a good friend who is dependable, loving, and caring.