Advice for Grieving the Loss of a Loved One

Grief can enter your life like a wrecking ball when a loved one dies. Life can look and feel very different. With anticipatory loss, the need to care for your loved one can leave significant gaps in your days. Sudden losses can leave you stunned and shocked by the absence of someone with whom you shared your life. All of this can leave you trying to sort through the pieces of your life and a broken heart.

Grief is a natural and personal process that can be difficult to navigate. Here are a few things to consider as you walk through the grief process:

1. Be real. While losing a loved one, allowing yourself to feel your emotions is essential. Permit yourself to feel the full range of emotions from your loss. The waves of grief will come. Allowing yourself to lean into them with grace and honesty gives your body needs and the release it will enable your heart to begin healing. 

2. Prioritize self-care. The reality is that grief is exhausting, and it will affect you mentally, physically, and spiritually. You may find yourself sleepy, experience forgetfulness or brain fog, and even loss of appetite. Begin to prioritize getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in activities that you enjoy. Moving your body with a walk outside, going for a jog, riding your bike, or swimming some laps helps calm your nervous system and increases neurotransmitters that cause feelings of pleasure. 

3. Be patient with yourself. Grief is a process that takes time, and it can’t be rushed or skipped altogether. You may find that you don’t feel like yourself for a season or that you cry a lot. It’s ok not to be ok. Commit to finding healthy coping mechanisms to aid your healing process.

4. Reach out for support. Surround yourself with people who care about you and can provide you with emotional support. This can include friends, family, or a support group who can help with errands, meals, or financial aid. Finding those who have walked a similar path can also help you feel less isolated and alone.

5. Consider seeking professional help. Grief can be overwhelming. Depending on the cause of death, you may need help navigating trauma. A therapist or counselor can provide additional support and tools to help you cope with your grief, heal trauma, and sort through the range of emotions in healthy ways and with an unbiased opinion. 

6. Don’t compare. Your grief won’t look like anyone else’s. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. Your relationship with your loved one is as unique as you are, and that’s a beautiful, amazing part that is worth celebrating. Your memories are your own and a gift our loved ones leave behind.

7. Just do the next thing. Whether your loss is recent or your years out with unhealed grief, it can feel overwhelming to begin a healing process. Focus on doing the next thing. Sometimes that’s making calls to arrange funeral arrangements, or it can look like throwing in a load of laundry. Resist the urge to look at the process as if all the day's events must fit within an hour. Find a trusted friend to help you prioritize your to-do list and focus on one thing at a time. 

8. Grief is not linear. Yes, grief is a process, but it’s not predictable. It’s messy and unknown. There will be good days and bad days. Allow yourself to go through the process so that you can find healing. 

9. Find ways to honor your loved one. Finding ways to honor your loved one can help give you tangible ways to feel they’re close. This can look like journaling or other artistic expressions, organizing fund-raising for a good cause in their memory, planting a garden, or simply incorporating some of their things into your home.

10. Healing is not forgetting. Allowing your heart to heal from loss is not forgetting your loved one. Healing is taking this unexpected and allowing yourself to grow and move forward. 

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone grieves differently, and the goal is to allow grief to do its work toward healing your heart.